<3

So I only get to see him on Sundays and Wednesdays. This Sunday I didn’t see him and I didn’t think it was that bigof deal. But I miss him. He’s so cute and funny and sweet. Everytime I tell him I’m hurt or was hurt he says sorry, sincerly too. He might be going to Boston. But thats what I get for being upset he’s not going to college. My dad loves him. Thats important to me. He remembers things about me. I don’t feel the need to dress up and wear a bunch of makeup around him. His smiles amazing. I’m going to keep praying that it doesn’t rain tomorrow or I will cry. Just thinking about him makes me smile. Did I mentionthat were not even dating.

So this weight loss blog has turned into a venting blog.

but thats okay I only have like 10 followers… :/

This time last year…

This time last year was crazy. Its hard to believe its been a year. This time last year was when I slowly started to get over him. and i never thought itwould happen. Wow im over him! its amazing. But new guy troubles, but what ever. I remember around this time was when I realized how much of a jerk you are. But this year I realized how crazy I was. Why would I have ever held on so long. This time last year i would have been sitting here venting about him but not anymore. what did I ever see in him. This truely shows that time heals all wounds. Never going back there. The past is truely history :)

Goodbye. Boy its a good one :)

So I hadn’t weighed my self in awhile but my mom kept telling me too because she could tell I was losing weight. So today I did. And I’m glad I did. I hadn’t been to the gym in awhile because of homework and softball. I lost weight and just now I realized I am now only overweight. Goodbye obese. and goodbye FOR GOOD!

Ya know what sucks?

Having your best friend in the same room as you, standing not even 10 feet away and he’s busy texting his new girlfriend, he won’t come over to you, he won’t talk to you, he won’t even look at you. He talks to your other friend but for once in your life he acts like your not there. Then his mom comes up to you and you have to smile and act like nothings wrong, when really all you want to do is break into tears. Then you walk right past him doing everything in your power not to talk or even look at him, because you can’t be the one to crack. Once your in the car the song “My Best Friend” by Tim Mcgraw comes on and you still have to hold back the tears so your parents don’t ask questions. When in your mind you start thinking of everything you’ve been through with this kid. You played in the dirt, had tea parties, built creek dams, went to the beach, flew on a plane, all those things made you smile. Then you think about when you were there for each other through all the heart breaks. But then you realise you were there for him way more then he was ever there for you. In fact the last time you were almost in tears in front of him he didn’t even notice, and everytime he’s upset you notice instantly. You then keep looking at your phone hoping he’ll text you and things well be okay again. Then when your finally home you get right into the shower and cry and cry and cry and once your out of the shower the tears don’t stop. I mean you just lost your best friend. Your still constantly looking at your phone hoping and praying this won’t just slide past like everything else, but part of you wants to to just slide away like nothing I mean you can’t really be losing this kid. Then you realize he’ll probably text you late at night like the last times, when his girlfriends asleep and expect you to reply because he knows you will. Then you start to think about what really caused this, and not one thing is the cause, was it his freak out over his jacket? was it him not replying to the text? was it you caring to much? Now as you try to study for a test your bound to failhe keeps coming to your mind, you tell your self over and over to forget and move on but you can’t I mean, you just lost your best friend. Maybe you cared to much, maybe you were too nosey about his feelings, maybe you shouldn’t have questioned when he wasn’t himself. Its always been like this, your always the person to care too much. Now your at the point were your thinking about the future, the future you have planed out perfectly. The near future where he was going to come to my softball games. Then far into the future where you marry your mutual friend and he’s the best man. The tears have slowed now but the heart ache doesn’t hurt anyless. Tomorrow you’ll go through your day pretending none of this happened but it will always be in the back of your mind, I mean you just lose your best friend.

That’s what sucks.

(via aikalutka)